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Author Topic: Round 2: From addiction to recovery  (Read 11368 times)
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Paleo Donk
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« on: December 17, 2009, 04:35:20 PM »

Here’s my story- I put the cliff notes at the bottom if you want to skip down

I'm not entirely ready to start my journey again but want to get my thoughts out in the open so here I go. I recently finished a 30 day stay at a rehab for gambling and alcohol and have temporarily moved in with some relatives to get away from my old ways for the time being as a half-way house of sorts. I am not sure how long I will be here but I am committed to recovery and will likely stay until I have found a job or other suitable living conditions where I can more effectively live my life.

I was playing poker professionally which was working out well for the most part financially but unfortunately I could not handle the constant stress and the horrific gut-wrenching pain that necessarily came with losing.  I can get into more details if anyone cares and probably will in the future. For now I just want to put myself in position to feel good again.

I began changing my diet a year ago last August after I haphazardly decided to read GCBC, which turned out to be one of the best things I had ever done. Nearly every single aspect of my life changed for the better and I can't extend enough gratitude to Gary Taubes for writing the book.

Ever since I was 13-14, I began to feel tired, unmotivated and slowly more depressed. I had some good years at the end of college where I came out of my introverted self a bit and cracked my insecure shell but this seemed to vanish when I went to grad school. Grad school was one of the worst parts of my life and where my depression really got a hold of me. It seemed like I was tired every day and constantly had no energy for anything that I wanted to do. I played sports all my life and found myself gasping for air nearly every time I played well before anyone would need a break. I’ve never been overweight my entire life.
Everyone would tell me how lazy I was and I was told constantly how tired I looked. I really believed I was just lazy and had to will myself to achieve more. During grad school I went to see several doctors, none of whom impressed me and several of which gave me diagnoses that were completely opposite from the last. I did 2 sleep studies, which for the first supposedly said I had sleep apnea though I never met with the physician who diagnosed me. I went to three different ear, nose and throat doctors whom two told me I didn’t have sleep apnea and one said I did. I went to a cardiologist and did a stress test which didn’t do much and then finally to a pulmonologist who said I should see a psychiatrist. It never occurred to me that I might be depressed during this time. I had been complaining about lack of energy to doctors of years now with nothing good ever coming from it.

With my degree being in statistics I was increasing more upset at the way the medical professionals were handling me. I couldn’t understand how they could treat me or give me proper diagnoses by talking to me for at most 10 minutes and then taking a few blood tests.  At the time I thought how I would never ever treat my patients like they did to me.

Not once did a doctor tell me to give up sweets or juices or even mention diet in the first place. I had no idea that diet played a role in anything. I suppose you could argue that it should be obvious but when everyone else is eating whatever they want and have seemingly endless amounts of energy even, much more so than me, even my 80+ year old grandma then you don’t really think about these things.

The pain from being so tired during the day and not being able to sleep is truly infuriating. I found relief when a friend of mine gave me some adderall one night. I felt alive for the first time post elementary school. The euphoria and energy running through my body was unbelievably amazing. I didn’t know a human could feel so good. I didn’t want to have another day without this glorious feeling. I felt complete; my body ran extremely well on it.

The effects, of course, were temporary and I would only take it at night but I made sure not to take it to many nights in a row as to not form a tolerance or get an addiction.

I started to taking some anti-depressants as time went on which helped a bit but never stayed on them.  It wasn’t till last August 2008, 2 full years after I completed grad school that I read GCBC. The book made such an enormous impression on me that I changed my diet immediately. Steak had always been my favorite food, especially the rim fat and so I was excited that I had a chance to eat it all the time. Before changing, I also cannot remember having much if any solid stools over the past 5 years. They were also extremely painful at times and I bled often. I had also begun urinating more frequently as well. By the end of the first week of VLC, I was having solid stools again and energy was soaring. Also the multiple headaches I was getting every week completely vanished as well. Luckily, I had little to no transitional symptoms, except for a small craving for carbs which went away for the most part after the first couple weeks. I attribute this mainly to my youth being 27 when I started the diet.

I kept the diet up, though I would still drink heavily on occasion about every couple weeks. I did manage at the beginning to go out several times with my drinking friends and not buy one drink. This had never happened in the past 6 years or so since I had been hitting the bars. My confidence was soaring as well and I even managed to pick up a girl completely sober for the first time.

Unfortunately the pattern of drinking to excess on occasion turned to drinking several times during the week, which led to breaking my diet more and more and eventually to a full blown “relapse”.  I see this relapse as no different as any other drug or process addiction relapse.  I continued my drinking binge all the way until rehab last month. I was looking for an excuse to stop drinking but couldn’t stop myself from drinking. I was having too much fun and could not stop on my own.

Even though I continued to eat mainly meat my energy levels and mood began decreasing and became near unmanageable when I went to Europe for 7 weeks this past July and August when I ate lots of carbs.  The rehab facility wouldn’t allow for outside food to be brought in so I had eat their food which tasted great but was quite carby as well, but I was away from poker and alcohol so my mood improved a decent amount while I was there.

Now, I’m out and free and able to have the freedom to eat what I want and am slowly easing my way back into my diet.  I began my journey last year eating fully cooked grain-fed meats along with eggs, cheeses, occasional yogurts, home-made ice creams and a few veggies and fruits now and then. I slowly started eating more and more raw and when I found this site I tried to eat raw as much as possible.  I followed the zc forum for a while but had lots of issues with the mentality though I agreed with almost all their dietary information and am very thankful for this site which seems to have much more in-depth information on many more issues.

I am interested in becoming as healthy as I can through all means not just diet even though diet probably composes >80 percent of this. Even though I like to think myself as objective and willing to be as unbiased and as open as I can, I really want this diet to work and have some serious emotional attachment to it since it pretty much saved my life. I love reading the threads here and getting as much information as I can about how I can improve myself and hopefully will be starting to implement several of these things as possible when I get more settled in. I really respect the posters here and enjoy the open discussions and look forward to participating and learning along with everyone else.

So, here I am – 28 year old male 5’11 about 188. I do enjoy lifting weights and since I plan on eventually moving down to no vegetation, I will want to test whether or not I can play high intensity sports like soccer/basketball. I ate a couple pounds of raw grain-fed beef the yesterday and will have about the same amount today. I am having trouble asserting myself to the people I am staying with about the way I feel about food and consequently have eaten a decent amount of cooked carbs the last week with horrible results. I get so tired so quickly it’s unreal.  



Cliff notes

Since 13 I have begun to feel more and more tired leading me to being very depressed and along the way accumulated numerous other smaller health problems. Last year after reading GCBC I changed my diet which completely reinvigorated me into someone that finally felt human. Unfortunately I still drank which lead to a “relapse” where I was feeling very tired again with decreasing health. Now, after spending a month in rehab I’m ready to embark on my journey again to good health.


Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated-thanks:)
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phatdave
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« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2009, 05:09:19 PM »

Hi Smiley

(i really enjoyed reading your story, thanks for sharing Smiley )
« Last Edit: December 17, 2009, 05:20:08 PM by phatdave » Logged
PaleoPhil
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« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2009, 06:52:29 PM »

Good luck to you on your journey to good health, PaleoDonk.

One thing I find to be beneficial for healthy living in addition to good nutrition, sunshine (when it's available) and exercise is upbeat music with positive lyrics and chatting with positive friends who smile and laugh and also like to enjoy the simple, positive things of life instead of processed carbs, excessive booze or drugs, complaining, negative gossip, etc. If our ancestors could be happy for 2.5 million years without booze and processed stimulants then I think we can manage it too.  

I could be imagining it, but it seems like as I act more and more positive, the people around me do too. It seems to be a bit contagious. Some of it is probably because a number of them have gone all or partly Paleo too.

Positive vibes,
PaleoPhil
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> "Medicine improved exponentially when the tinkering barber surgeons took over from the high theorists. They just went with what worked, irrespective of why it worked." -Nassim Taleb
> "no one would touch this type of diet unless they'd tried everything else and this diet alone worked" -T.D.
> Tinkering with dairy & gluten elimination worked for me. I found a theory that explained it (Eaton's Paleolithic nutrition), which pointed me toward more tinkering, with more success. -Me
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« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2009, 07:33:51 PM »

I enjoyed reading your story as well. It's an easy path to fall down, especially when youv've put in your all and your still sooo tired and sick.

I started at 27 also.

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« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2009, 12:15:49 AM »

Some words of wisdom here that you might enjoy reading:
http://activenocarber.myfreeforum.org/Bear_s_Words_Of_Wisdom_about22.html
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« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2009, 04:08:48 AM »

1 thing:- I notice you haven't mentioned grassfed meat anywhere in that post. In case you have some unnatural fear of PUFAs(some cooked zero-carbers do), I should add that PUFAs/omega-3s are essential for helping rebuild the brain and eating grainfed meats, even if raw, is really not a good idea in the long run, healthwise. of course, you may just have a problem re ordering grassfed meats in your particular area for whatever reason.
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Paleo Donk
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« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2009, 07:41:16 AM »

Thanks all for the support and kind words. I get very excited when I come here and start thinking about how my life is going to change again when I fully implement my diet - sort of like a rush - but once I step away from the computer I lose focus and have trouble implementing the diet, mainly because I am too scared to assert my self positively enough to others that this is the way that is going to work for me.

I am still quite fragile right now, at least my mind is. I've had an entire lifetime of training myself to be insecure, shy and self-depricating and have become very critical of myself with a perfectionist attitude while at the same time worrying entirely too much.

Essentially, my mind isn't clear and is jumbled and I'm having trouble focusing and staying in the present. "In the present" was one of those hot phrases in rehab that we'd hear multiple times a day.

I found this amazing post the other day in the spirituality forum that accurately describes me right now -http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/spirituality/opinions-humans-and-spirituality/msg7541/#msg7541

"When I speak of higher consciousness, I play around with ideas of consciousness vs subconsciousness.  If we were fully aware, fully awake, fully conscious individuals, there would be much less occurring subconsciously, it would rise to the level of full awareness in the now, in the present.  Instead we sacrifice the now to all forms of worry about the future, replaying of the past, lost in thought, lost in emotion, lost in everything but attentiveness to the only thing that actually exists: the present.  And since we sacrifice the present, we lose presence. "

I feel very disconnected with the presence at the time being. I'm even having trouble writing this post and have to constantly stop and rethink and then reword what I have just written. The good thing though, is that I've had great success with the diet before and felt very connected to the people around me and was the energetic, positive, creative, engaging, altruistic Teddy (thats my name) that I think is really me. I feel barely a shell of myself now.

Luckily, I have been surrounded by good people throughout my life. My mom is always looking for ways to help me improve and has gotten me several books which have greatly contributed to my recovery. The best is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" - http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Fourth/dp/1572244135/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261228912&sr=8-1

This book is basically a recipe book for beating anxiety and phobia. I really beleive in its methodologies which closely allign to my own on how to go about learning a subject matter.  It gives detailed plans on what is recommended to do every day for your particular "affliction".

What is recommended first and foremost is to find a method to relax. Deep abdominal breathing apparently has been clinacly shown to reduce anxiety if practiced over a certain time period. I try and do this everyday by finding a quiet place laying down flat, closing my eyes and concentrating on nothing. I think I feel calmer once I get to the 10 minute mark and usually aim for 20 minutes. They also recommend progressive muscle relaxation,vigorous exercise, yoga, meditation, etc..

Also, what I found interesting was that they have a section on nutrition with one of the opening lines saying something like "almost no anxiety books discuss nutrition...". The first thing they recommend is to cut out sugars and the like and caffeine, which really impressed me even though it shouldn't since it seems so blindingly obvious now, but still is applaudable since this one step can save people so much misery. It eventually recommends moving towards vegetarianism and believes in the alcaline/base theory (whatever that is). Apparently meat is more acidic.

Still, the book is great and the worksheets it has you do everyday are incredible in that they help you become aware of your thinking sooner and sooner. This seems to be the central idea, in that if we can recognize our thoughts and feelings as they happen we may be able to stop a particular (incorrect) belief or assumption from further infiltrating our minds and clogging it up. My personal beliefs and assumptions are so automatic now that I don't know I have actually made it. The neural pathways seem to be so deep that so well connected towards anxiety that its going to take a long time to rewire and reprogram them to healthy levels. Fortunately I have my diet which will hopefully expedite this process.

I have other books on anger and perfectionism that are great too, but will be concetrating mainly on the workbook for the time being. I haven't gone through it all yet.  I strongly believe that to recover I must treat myself everyday and work hard everyday. 30 days of rehab doing groupwork for 8 hours a day isn't enough. I know this probably sounds like I am putting pressure on myself to succeed but its something that I want to do and has worked in the past and so I want to do this in the future. This is probably why so many (perhaps 80%) of people relapse. They don't finish the program and work on themselves at home. They go from 8 hours of recovery work a day to 1 or 0.
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« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2009, 07:51:08 AM »

Some of the many benefits of eating raw zero carb are mental clarity, emotional stability and confidence.

You shall be pleasantly amazed at the difference.
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« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2009, 08:13:33 AM »

My last post was getting uber-long and on other sites you get auto-signed out sometimes so the worrier got to me and I posted so to not lose it (though I had it copied anyway, ha).

Phil,

Thanks for the tips. I didn't think too much about the importance of sunshine until recently reading the forums here. The sun has always made me feel better and even as a child I would remember needing to go outside to "cure" my headaches. I'm rather dark (mediteranean blood) and so perhaps my sun requirement is slightly higher than normal. Its winter now but luckily I live in Houston, where there can be decent sun year round.

As for positivity, I completely agree, but still find it a challenge to be positive right now. It seems so much easier to be negative and my humor for the most part has been geared towards bringing down people, sometimes just to get a reaction. This is just another thing I need to try and catch in the moment before letting the thought spread.

Other things I plan on doing for health are walking barefoot as much as possible, defecating in the natural squat position, possibly sleeping on the floor (I've had some intense dreams when I tried this in the past) and hopefully more when I find out about them. Also will be doing my deep breathing daily as well as other realation techiniques.

Tyler,

I think grass fed meat is going to be much better in the long run than grain-fed. Its rather sad that the zc group seems to believe that the impact of grass vs grain is minimal at best. The true effects might not be seen for 20 or more years. It could easily be one of the reasons  the bear got cancer. I ordered 15 pounds of slankers ground beef in the past and will be ordering some soon again.

William,

Thanks for the link, I've actually read just about the entire bear thread as it originally was. The guy is the ultimate guru, though he never learned how to quote which was probably most surprising of all.


Also, Phil, I am going to repost here a post you made last month that should get some serious consideration for post of the year. You basically summarized my philosophy on what is taking place in modern society with respect to science. I've read "fooled by randomness" and have never agreed with someone so much and like you I don't really like it when I agree so completely but then again it was refreshing to see someone think very similarly to me, just quite a bit more elegant.

Quote
Over the years as I've investigated the derogatory claims of Moderners (among whom I don't include Tyler, though he has cited research, opinions, etc. from this school of thought--which I am grateful for, actually, because he has provided a very useful counterpoint to posit my speculations and ramblings up against without having to deal with the really harsh critics like PETA-type folks) about the Stone Agers and HGs in general I've found that most of them are based on false assumptions, fictions, and falsehoods. Manthropology is just the latest compilation of revelations about the fallacies of the Moderners, revealing that the abilities of even recent HGs were superior in multiple ways to moderners. The usual knee-jerk response is to engage in ad hominem and claim that the scientist or layman who reports these phenomena is just promoting the "noble savage myth" or longs for a primitive utopia.

What never gets mentioned is that the critics (and their claims that others cite) are sometimes influenced by a utopianism of their own, often unbenownst to them, that infected academia decades ago, which is a sort of Utopian Progressivism. It's dogma is endless progress, man as machine, and the perfectability of man. That which is new is considered "improved," and that which is old is assumed inferior unless widely publicized mountains of evidence make it impossible to ignore the obvious. The dogma of endless progress is far, far, far more common than noble savage mythology (how else explain the endless advancement of "new and improved" technologies, foods and drugs, almost without restraint?). It claims to be scientific, but much of it's original source material comes from fictional or misguided sources like Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes and it seems built on scientific reductionism and consensus. Assumptions are rarely questioned; instead, the same old fallacies (such as "the diet-acne connection is an old wives' tale") and faulty studies (such as the bogus 1960s study that claimed to refute the diet-acne connection) get cited over and over again ad nauseum and then Modernism's defenders point to the piles of rehashed articles and say "See, there is a scientific consensus backed by the weight of the evidence," when in reality it all teeters precariously on one or two bogus studies or maybe some snippets of 17th century philosophy.

"But wait a minute," you say. "Hobbes was a Monarchist, not a Progressive." True, but some of his concepts made an impression on the masses and were misinterpreted and reshaped over time (such as the "nasty, brutish, and short" quip, which Hobbes used to describe agrarian Englishmen, but which was transformed into an archetype of the HG) eventually infecting academia and the Progressives, deep into their psyches like an invasive cancer, probably setting science back several centuries. Plus, some Progressives replaced the despotism of monarchy with a new form of despotism: an all-knowing Mother Culture led by a cultural elite that sought to "help" the "savages" and "underclasses" by "civilizing" them.

Luckily, there have been and are reformers amongst the Progressives and the academics who have recognized where things went wrong and have been shedding light on this, such as Margaret Meade, Richard Leakey, Daniel Quinn, Jared Diamond, Art De Vany, Boyd Eaton, Loren Cordain, Michael and Mary Eades, and Nicholas Taleb. These and other academics, intellectuals and Progressives put various pieces of the puzzle back together that make up the ancient storehouse of knowledge and experience: man is not perfectible, everything new is not necessarily improved, many of the assumptions on which current scientific consensus is based are faulty, and beginning around 10 thousands years ago there was a "Great Forgetting," as Quinn called it, about ancient knowledge that we have only begun to re-learn within the past century or so.

Assumptions are being questioned, studies re-examined, paradigms shifted, and we are witnessing the dawn of a scientific revolution. I call it The Great Remembering.

"But hold on!" you say. "You did what you criticized others for doing--engaged in ad hominem about Progressives." Not all Progressives. Many would call me one, actually (others might claim I'm a Positivist or Libertarian--I don't think I fit neatly into any philosophical or political slot at present). Notice also that I didn't single any one out and was careful to explain that I'm not including Tyler in my critique. It was more of a general critique of the basic school of thought that seems to underlie the source materials that critics of RPD and HGs have relied upon, based on an impression I've garnered from years of watching Paleo dieters and advocates get attacked. Notice that I instead singled out some Progressives and likeminded academics for praise. I hope that I've managed to critique the message and its underlying underpinnings more than the messengers.

One thing I also try to remember is that all variations of Paleo diets, raw diets, and low carb diets are regarded as heresy worthy of ridicule by the powers that be. Based on their criticisms, they apparently regard us all as idiots or devils to be straightened out or silenced. So I try to remember not to criticize too harshly folks from similar ways of eating, but like a dumb, dumb I sometimes forget. So I apologize to any such I have offended in the past, and proactively apologize to the folks in the future I will likely also offend when I let my words get ahead of my brain.

For ten thousand years we have been blinded by The Great Forgetting. The Great Remembering has only just begun. Imagine what amazing revelations await.

Good luck and good eating.

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/hot-topics/are-we-meat-eaters-or-vegetarians/msg19668/#msg19668
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« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2009, 08:28:40 AM »

I'm not sure if I've welcomed you to the forum before but welcome none-the-less.  Smiley
It sounds like you've dealt with a lot but your intended course of action should help you heal immensely. Good luck with it.

I think grass fed meat is going to be much better in the long run than grain-fed. Its rather sad that the zc group seems to believe that the impact of grass vs grain is minimal at best. The true effects might not be seen for 20 or more years. It could easily be one of the reasons  the bear got cancer. I ordered 15 pounds of slankers ground beef in the past and will be ordering some soon again.

I definitely agree with you there. There are going to be a lot of ZCers having problems down the line due to it IMO. And it's a double whammy; the 3:6 ratio of fats as well as the concentrated toxins (antibiotics, etc.) in the fat of grainfed.
Luckily you're so close to Slankers that you'll be getting a great deal with the minimal shipping. Smiley
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